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Marc Löffler works as an Agile Coach with Sybit GmbH. Before getting in touch with agile methods and principles in 2006 he was working as a traditional project manager for companies like Volkswagen AG or Siemens AG. His passion is to help teams that are struggling with agile transitions and overcoming dysfunctional behaviour. He loves to generate new insights by approaching common problems from the other side and trying to deliberately make havoc of the process. Marc is a DZone MVB and is not an employee of DZone and has posted 13 posts at DZone. You can read more from them at their website. View Full User Profile

10 more things a Scrum Master can do to drive the team crazy

01.07.2014
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Now that the team is armed with new weapons, it is time to help the Scrum Master to fight back. If you didn’t read my first post on this topic have a look at the 10 things a Scrum Master can do to drive the team crazy blog post I wrote two years ago. Here we go:

  1. Get your own office, if possible in a different city or even country. Working at the same location as your team could be harmful.
  2. Count the number of finished tasks per team member and confront those lazy buggers with the obvious low performance.
  3. Try to restrict communication with the team to email only. You don’t want to hear their whiny voices.
  4. Don’t tell the team what you are working on. Transparency only applies to the rest of the team.
  5. Always cite the Scrum guide if members don’t stand to the Scrum rules. Continuous repetition will help raising the team’s understanding for this process.
  6. If a team member has a question, point them to Google. Google has all the answers, right?
  7. Ignore the Product Owner. It is his responsibility to create and maintain the backlog, not yours.
  8. Don’t attend the Sprint Review. It is a meeting exclusively between the PO and the team.
  9. Nurture your lack of interest about the product the team is building. This is something the PO has to take care of.
  10. Bring drums to the team’s office and play them like on a slave ship. Every good team needs a beat.

I’m looking forward to your additions in the comments :)

Published at DZone with permission of Marc Löffler, author and DZone MVB. (source)

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